Easy Does It

Christian faith is something we DO, not just something we think. "Be Doers of the Word and not hearers only", Paul says.

At the same time, it is NOT something we DO so much as something we receive: "by grace you have been saved, thru faith," scripture says, "and not by works- lest anyone should boast."

For centuries the church has wrestled with this tension and argued about this paradox:
to what degree do we rest in the grace God freely gives us?
to what degree do we strive to do the work of the gospel, to run the race of faith?

This age-old theological tension is now my lived experience, the place where God's Word is being spoken to me day by day.
This week, I have returned to work- sort of.
It is a great joy to re-connect with the work I love so deeply, to see the people I have covenanted with, to sit behind this familiar desk.
And, at the same time, its a bit scary- because I cant keep my familiar pace.

My doctor cleared me to return to work provided that I do so gradually and gently, paying attention to my energy level, which is not yet what it once was.

And so the spiritual task this week is about discernment.
The thing to which I am most inclined is not good for me at the moment.
This propensity to jump in with both feet, to believe that Faster is Better, this notion that I really need to DO more to feel good at the end of the day- will not speed my healing nor serve ths congregation- and so it cannot be what God wants from me.

So I am trying to experiment with Doing Life Differently.
Praying helps. often.
Breathing helps.
Cultivating patience and humility helps.

And each day, as I find the end of my energy or notice my weariness,
I realize that stopping helps most of all.

This 'stopping' requires trust-
a trust that God is in charge of the ministry here, not me.
a trust that I am loved for who I am not just what I accomplish.
a trust in colleagues and friends who will do what I cannot
a trust that my body is a partner and a friend, and that when it tells me I am tired, that is a loving message that helps me know what God expects from me today.

Some of this is not as natural for me as pushing ahead and pressing on-
so I have lots to learn.

But at the same time, I am aware that I don't have to be good at this or know all about it for it to work. I am aware that I am dwelling inside a miracle: a body that day by day is repairing surgical damage done to it, a body that knows how to diminish the size of this scar, a body that knows things I dont know about the mystery of what's inside my skin and how it works.

And so I am aware that I dwell inside a miracle,
and that life is a gift,
and that I am healing day by day
both physically and spiritually.

Amazing.
Amazing Grace.
Amen.